If Stars Collide;;

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2009-09-18T23:28:00

2009-09-19T06:30:53Z

i kind of hate the fact that i'm capable of emotions. i think that things would be so much easier if i didn't really have to feel things.

tl;dr

2009-08-01T06:00:03Z

it seems as if i only ever post when something goes horribly wrong in my life, but this time i think i really do need to get something off my chest?

so this past week i've been working at camp at the humane society, and the people i work with i consider to be my second family. i'm truly grateful for all of them and they mean so much to me.
so this week, there was a boy there who was a counselor, and i met him a few weeks ago when he came for training. now on monday he started kind of flirting with me, and i thought he was pretty cute (even though he is 4 years younger than me D=)
anyway, i've been returning the emotions and he was always like.. touchy feely with me, always pretending to trip me, asking me to go sit by him, touching my back a lot and we talked a lot. then today, the last day of camp, he gives me his number, i give him mine.
now you see, during the week my friend (we'll just call her R), knew how i felt about it becuase she was the first person I told about it. And i was super scared of my feelings becuase he's so much younger than me, but she said stuff like "Don't worry! Age is just a number", being super supportive and stuff and even saying like "I was watching him today and when you were talking to people he would always look at you" so naturally I figured she was behind me liking him 100%

so then after camp, i'm talking with some of my friends and one of them goes "I think he likes R!" and i kind of laughed it off and just as a joke we went and asked him if he did and he said "as a friend i do" and i didn't say anything becuase I had assumed that he liked me. When we told R about this she had this horrified look on her face and said "I don't like him at all!!"

2 hours later, he texts me and says "What's R's phone number?" and I text him with it and say "now everyone does think you like her" to which he texts back "yeah, fyi i think she's pretty hot"
now of course i was like... kind of confused. but let it slide. then i couldn't get it off my mind and texted him and asked "so does this mean you like her now?" and he says "yes."
then R texts me and says "hey, i've been texting him and I think i like him. Sorry. Is that ok?"

I have never been more confused, hurt, taken aback in my life. She's the sweetest, kindest person I know and while she did say the whole "our friendship means more to me than any guy" I just don't understand... Where did this come from?? I feel like they're pulling a horrible prank on me.

Fast forward to me at home. Now in the past few... months. I've been feeling pretty down. I battled "depression" for a while in high school and it's come back on and off in the past year. I was doing fine when all of the sudden I realize that i'm sobbing my eyes out and I just can't stop it. It seems so trivial that some stupid thing about a guy would set me off but I just couldn't stop, which then led to some self inflicted wounds that I didn't want to happen, but did.
I eventually had enough and went to my parents sobbing, saying "I can't do this anymore"

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I'm not sure why I let myself open to people when I get hurt by them so many times. I'm just sick and tired of everything, always letting things like boys and my own self image bring me down. I hate it but I can't change it.
I still feel like I'm having some terrible nightmare and I just want it to end.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2009-05-27T03:47:00

2009-05-27T10:57:55Z

wow i sure don't post a lot....
I'm in taiwan right now for my cousins wedding... it was this past weekend actually. it was fun.

ANYWAY THE REAL REASON WHY I'M POSTING AN ENTRY
I GOT A PETITE BLYTHE DOLL!!
It was very exciting, I saw a bunch of them in some stores since I've been here and I've longed for one and just stood in the store window and stared
and then today I was walking around with my mom after we had lunch with someone and I saw this girl with a Blythe doll! and she was taking a picture of it and I was like "MOM LOOK THAT'S THE KIND OF DOLL I WANT"
so we went over to the store and I bought one!

Her name is Lily Wild and she's part of the Denizens of the Lake series. I got a petite Blythe doll becuase I figured that it was slightly impractical to get a Neo Blythe doll. Plus the one I wanted was around $150... so that was a no go.

Here's her picture!

isn't she adorable!

I'm contemplating buying a friend for her... :)
we'll see how much money I've got at the end of my trip lol... I've already spent so much on clothes and whatnot D=

but really it's justifiable, you can't buy these back home... the lady in the store was saying that the other week she had some americans come in the store and buy 5 blythe dolls at a time! oh to have that sort of money...
I seem to covet so many things here.
OH AND I WENT TO THE DEPARTMENT STORE TODAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT STORES I WENT INTO?? LET ME LIST
marc jacobs
mar by marc jacobs
marni
jean-paul gaultier
balenciaga (actually I was too scared to go in, but I stood in the window and stared)
mulberry
y-3
maison martin margiela
it was so depressing, I couldn't afford anything. jean-paul gaultier even had a 50% off rack but I didn't dare look at the price and tempt myself... the salesman was so nice too.

ok well i've spammed your pages enough
see you in another few months for a post lol

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2009-02-11T22:55:00

2009-02-12T06:55:17Z

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS A BOY KIND OF ASKED ME OUT

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2009-01-01T01:05:00

2009-01-01T09:14:58Z

ok so. obviously it's a new year. happy new year to you all.

now the majority of you guys have seen me go through guys i like michael jackson goes through sequined gloves. but the thing is that i just like the guys, nothing ever comes from it.
i like the guys. they don't like me back. i eventually stop liking them. end of story.
I've just done the same thing everytime, I don't really do anything about it. and OBVIOUSLY this approach is not working for me at all.
so I'm wondering... I should probably change the way I go about things. There's this boy I like now who I've known for a pretty long time now, but we've only recently become pretty good friends.
DILEMMA DILEMMA. idk what to do. i never know what to do. I don't get to talk to him much because I don't really see him (he's in high school =/ BIG SURPRISE)
baaaah. this is just kind of me ranting.

a question i've been thinking about for the past few days: do you think someone who is racist can still act kindly/be tolerant of people who are of the race they are racist towards (lol run on sentence)?
i was taught that racism is the act of thinking that your race is superior/better than anothers. obviously there are a lot of racists that do bad things to the people of other races. but do you think it's possible for a racist to just be... idk. condescending? or maybe even just... preachy? towards those of a "lower" race?
i have a lot of free time.

and if you are done reading this and saying "Well aileen, this really was a waste of my time, you didn't have anything worthwhile to say!" then i leave you with this

it made me cry the first time i saw it (but a good happy cry, i promise no one/nothing dies)

danke.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-12-03T21:34:00

2008-12-04T05:36:39Z

i'm just posting this everywhere

IF YOU ARE GOING TO BUY SOMETHING FROM BARNES AND NOBLE SOON PLZ BUY IT BETWEEN DECEMBER 4TH AND DECEMBER 10TH

WHEN YOU CHECK OUT PLEASE USE THIS VOUCHER
http://www.hp2009.org/voucher/bnvoucher.pdf

B&N WILL BENEFIT HP EDUCATION FANON

FOR MORE INFO PLZ GO HERE:
http://www.hp2009.org/?q=node/36

DANKE
ILU

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-11-06T14:17:00

2008-11-06T22:20:52Z

I'm so lost in school it's not even funny.
I don't know if I should keep pursuing my major because of how hard it is and I probably wouldn't even be able to get into the department.

I don't know what to do with myself.

With everything.

I always feel so lost now, I hate it.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-11-02T14:22:00

2008-11-02T22:25:55Z

i was elphaba for halloween.

in an attempt to recreate

didn't really work.

oh also my cat is a year old now. hooray!

and i voted! hoorayx2!

now i'm going to eat some girl scout cookies!

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-10-09T22:08:00

2008-10-10T05:26:07Z

So I have something to post about again!

Remember my friends from college? The ones that are quite religious and whatnot that I wasn't so comfortable with?
Well today we had a big test in one of our classes and a bunch of them started praying to God, asking for a good grade. And me and like 4 other girls were like "What..." Even one of them that I thought was quite religious thought they were being ridiculous.
I'm obviously not religious but I just thought it seemed weird that you would ask God for something like that. I mean, of course everyone wants a good grade on a test but to me it just seems trivial.

Also I'm not sure what one of them thinks of people of different races...
It might be just me but when people say "jews" or "blacks" or "mexicans" etc in that way (like making it plural as opposed to saying "black people" or "jewish people") it just seems... bad? Like they're saying it in a derogatory manner.
Anyways and one of the girls was just talking about how these people broke into her moms car and she was like "A bunch of mexicans broke into her car, seriously.. it's ridiculous." and then earlier we had a guest speaker and she said "He was just talking about blacks."
Now to me, it made me a bit uncomfortable because I don't know if she knows but I'm a mexican. Soooo yeah.

and also, I was sitting during lunchtime, eating my chicken strips and some of the girls were talking about mission trips and one of them asked if it was required for christians to go on one after they graduate and the other girl said that it was mormons who do that. Then a different girl (who is christian) said "Wait, you're mormon?" and the girl said "No, I was just saying that mormons go on mission trips after graduation."
and then the girl said "Ooh, okay. Coz I was gonna say, if you're mormon then we gotta have a talk."
I really like the girl who said this, but I don't really see how it's any of her business what someone else's religion is or why she would need to have to talk to her about how her religion is "wrong". They'd said they both have had debates with their mormon friends about which of their religions is "right"
IDK. I JUST LIKE TO STAY AWAY FROM THESE THINGS.

these are just my thoughts from today.

oh also I've just noticed, when I say "mormons" or "christians" like in that plural way it doesn't sound derogatory in my head.
idk. I guess I'm just weird like that.

oh also, I gave blood today and my arm really hurts.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-09-21T21:40:00

2008-09-22T04:53:21Z

I don't exactly know what this says about my character, but I feel the need to voice it.

So at school (college lulz) I have a few friends that are the same major as I am so I have a bunch of classes with them all. Anyways, so they all kind of already knew each other from school and they all live kind of in the same area and they're all similar in their beliefs adn personalities

but the thing is that they're the complete opposite of me.
I don't know if this makes me closeminded but I greatly dislike it when people invite me to church functions. Obviously it's different when they don't know what my religious affiliation is, but when they know and still invite it it just irks me.
I guess I should just say it now and I apologize in advance if I offend anyone but I don't believe in or necessarily agree with christianity. I don't like it when people push their beliefs onto me and I don't want any affiliation with it.
So when people invite me to church functions and I say "No thank you" and they keep asking why not, I'd just like them to shut the hell up.

This is going off on a tangent.
Basically, my friends at school are all pretty religious and I guess I just feel really uncomfortable. It's not only that but just the way my sense of humor is doesn't even seem to work with them.
The other day I was in class and somehow the professor's talk got onto slaves and then onto black people, and there's 160 people in that class and I was looking around and I was like "Are there any black people in this class?" and my friend was like "I don't think so" and then I kept looking around and realized that there wasn't anyone in there that wasn't white except for me.
So I went "Am I the only person in here that isn't white?" and my friend went all exasperated "No...."

idk. it seems like they just don't "get me"

...i hope i make more friends

well that post was kind of worthless.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-09-11T19:20:00

2008-09-12T02:34:08Z

Didn't I say I was going to update more?

.....probably.

I have nothing to update on. Everything that happens in my life is so dull, and whenever I update I just seem to be complaining (such as right now.)

I'm in college, I like it. It's great. My life is going great right now too.

MY LIFE IS SO DULL, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU FRIENDED ME.
When I drink water it hurts my tooth.

I think I'll just turn this into a nice little commonplace journal. I'll post nice pictures I like and the whatnot, and maybe something interesting that has happened to me.

I like this photo.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-08-17T23:29:00

2008-08-18T06:29:05Z

I just realized how badly I'm trying to hold on to my youth.

and I'm only 18.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-07-15T17:57:00

2008-07-16T00:58:57Z

I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but for the past month or so every time I look outside on a nice day I just notice how VIBRANT the colors are.
It's such a weird thing to notice but like just now I looked out the window and I just CAN'T STOP LOOKING.

Maybe I just have a good eye prescription.

Also...
I'm turning 18 in about a month. I kind of have a thing for this boy who kind of has a thing for me. He's turning 15 in about a month.

-headdesk-

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-07-05T19:51:00

2008-07-06T02:51:07Z

Dear Jean-Baptiste Maunier,

GET IN ME.

Sincerely yours,
Aileen Valadez

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-06-18T17:28:00

2008-06-19T00:27:44Z

I'm pretty positive I have salmonella and I'm miserable :(
plz make it go away

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-06-11T21:55:00

2008-06-12T04:55:56Z

I saw The Remus Lupins today and it was AMAZING!!
The place they were playing was really really small. It was this meeting room at this Library but omg it was so much fun.
I'm really in love with the bassist, even more than I'm in love with Skandarwin I think.

Plus I graduated last night. It's been a great week.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-06-08T19:07:00

2008-06-09T02:07:05Z

I don't even remember the last time I updated.
I'm going to try to do it more.

I'm graduating on tuesday.
Wooooo.
Yeah, that's all I got.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-05-12T17:11:00

2008-05-13T00:11:25Z

No mom, fruit =/= food.
And if I wanted to eat some, I would have, but I'd like some real food plz.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2008-01-26T19:05:00

2008-01-27T03:19:33Z

O HAI I GOT INTO A COLLEGE.

I applied to four, Washington State, University of Washington, Portland State and Oregon State.
I've only heard back from Washington State so far, they're obviously the ones that accepted me. I don't really want to go to WSU, but it's in state and if I can't afford the Oregon schools (Portland, Oregon) then I'll go there. I really don't want to go to UW.
I want to go to PSU the most, but it's out of state (even though it's only 8 miles away and is the closest of the four).

Oh and I broke my retainer the other day. It was in my backpack and it snapped in half.
and also LOL because I typed snappled instead of snapped.

I love snapple a lot.

This is a really uninteresting post.

OH! For my 18th birthday, my friend is helping me plan my party. I'm having a real one this year. It's themed "A Series of Unfortunate Events." I'm very excited.
I'm dressing as Violet Baudelaire.
I'm really excited. As I've already said.

Okay, I'm hungry.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2007-12-05T20:40:00

2007-12-06T04:36:26Z

GUH! I never post anymore.

So... recently I went to my friends birthday party. and ever since then I've actually had somewhat of a social life.
it's BRILLIANT.
This weekend my friend is cutting my hair (I'm getting bangs!) and then I'm going to my friend Dorothy's house to make cookies with her and Alley. And I'm super excited because John is Dorothy's brother and I have a teensy crush on him and he makes me super happy.
Then later we're going to Alley's house and having ~game night~

v. exciting.
uhmm... well now I just post in communities.

I've started applying to schools... it's terrifying. It doesn't help that I'm terribly lazy. But i'll get it done...
if I don't my mother will kill me.

uhm. yeah.
KTHXBYE.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2007-10-16T21:01:00

2007-10-17T03:58:30Z

seeing clearer: well then you should make me spaghetti sometime
lPstanding: i will
seeing clearer: bueno.
seeing clearer: i thoroghly look forward to this.
seeing clearer: i expect bread, as well.
lPstanding: ok
lPstanding: homemade?
lPstanding: lol jk you aren't that special
seeing clearer: doens't have to be.
seeing clearer: thanks, jerk.
lPstanding: lol I'm jk you know i love you

he makes me happy.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2007-10-01T19:54:00

2007-10-02T02:55:37Z

I got my senior picture today!

I love it so much. I'm getting some more for like.. wallets & stuff. I might upload those, but it's a hassle coz I have to upload them on the computer downstairs and then email them to myself and whatnot.
But there's some more if you want to see my gorgeous face here

I only like some of the ones that he put up though =/
WHATEV.

I'M A SENIOR.

oora.

i wish there was a mood theme for "smelly" because I am.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2007-09-26T21:43:00

2007-09-27T04:41:25Z

MICHAEL SEATER I LOVE YOU.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2007-09-11T21:01:00

2007-09-12T03:59:49Z

To the boy I like so much right now and can't stop thinking about,

please, please, please.
like me back.

ohmyphwoarrr @ 2007-09-07T20:01:00

2007-09-08T03:19:31Z

Today was one of the best days ever.
Nothing exciting even happened really..

This morning when I woke up I was still pretty groggy but I managed to get up.
Nothing really happened at school.. The main reason I even get up-- OH HI JOSH HARTNETT ON TV-- is to go to 5th period, which is newspaper.

So these two boys that I know from tennis, Aaron and Michael, transferred to my school this year because their dad got a job as the tennis coach for boys. And like.. I always knew who they were but I never really thought they knew me. If they did it was only coz I hung out with Jack and Christine who took lessons with them. And to be quite honest.. I always had a little crush on the both of them.
And they both.. just.
they seriously make my day better.
I don't even know how to explain it.

Then after school I went to Fisher's Landing, my old elementary school (and also where I interned last year) to pick up my 'little sister' (mei) and coz i wanted to see some of my 2nd graders from last year. I especially wanted to see my favourite kid, Connor (which some of you may remember) but I didn't get to see him :(

FAST FORWARD A FEW HOURS. So I got bored and I decided to ride my bike to Shannon's house. Oh, kudos if you've read this far. And the way I usually go is I turn right. but there was a car off in the distance and ~~i was texting Adam so~~ I just kept going straight to avoid the car.
And I NEVER go this way. I went once just to see if it would take a shorter amount of time..
So I'm riding my bike and this boy passes me and I look at his face and I go "Connor?"
and he goes "huh?" and I'm like "It's Aileen." and he's like 'HI! I'M AT ALEX'S HOUSE, COME SAY HI."
So I go over and I say hi to Alex (who was also one of my 2nd graders) and I meet his dad and I say hi to reassure him I'm not some pedo.

It was so great to see him.

Ahh... honestly.
Today was a great day.

& sorry for raping your friends page.